The moon: What are your thoughts? Unless you are the sun, a pubescent werewolf, or Buzz Aldrin, you probably consider it a fairly anodyne presence in your life, if not a positive one. It’s pretty and big and shiny. And depressive British singer-songwriters write evocative songs about it. There’s not much to dislike, unless you are a young witch on TikTok looking to start some shit.
On WitchTok, the area of TikTok where young witches congregate, witches are buzzing about “baby witches” (basically, younger, less experienced witches) who made the mistake of hexing the moon. For the uninitiated (i.e., people who had sex in the early 2000s and therefore didn’t watch Charmed), a hex is a curse intended to cause harm or ill will of some sort. It’s not good! And considering the moon does all sorts of important things, putting a hex on the moon is similarly un-good.
According to a thread on the subreddit r/witchcraft, part of why witches were so enraged is because this group of witches had previously claimed they were going to hex the fae, or earth spirits, that have magical or supernatural powers that will “most likely hex you back, and are probably more powerful than you,” explains Jaya Saxena, author of the book Basic Witches. A poster on the thread claimed they had tried to do so to “prove a point,” though what that point was is unclear.
Needless to say, putting a hex on the moon is a no-no, Saxena says. “Within people who consider themselves witches, the moon is generally considered super powerful. The symbol of the Triple Goddess in Wicca is the moon!,” she says. “So if you’re on TikTok bragging about how you’re about to essentially attack the moon, people are going to get either mad at you, or laugh at you.”
This prompted many witches to complain that this group of “baby witches” had endangered themselves and others by messing with such powerful forces of nature, particularly during a pandemic. “The main criticisms I see are either, you’re going to really hurt yourself and possibly other witches by doing this or you’re showing your ass,” Saxena says.
Under most circumstances, such internecine drama would likely have stayed within the confines of whatever social platform from which it originated. Yet a thread recounting the drama went viral, prompting none other than former presidential candidate Marianne Williamson to weigh in on Twitter. “That’s got to be some really drunk or stoned #babywitches if they think that in the midst of a #secretpolice invasion of Portland the best they can do is hex the MOON,” she wrote (her point, apparently, being that these witches would have spent their energies better putting a hex on Trump or the federal government).
So there you have it, baby witches: If none other than the queen of the boomer witches herself thinks what you’re doing is ridiculous, then it’s probably best to rethink your priorities. And if 2020 gets any worse (although really, when you think about it, how can it possibly?), then we all know who to blame. To paraphrase the cable TV censored version of the 1987 cinematic classic Adventures in Babysitting, don’t mess with the moon.