“Rule 34” is an internet axiom which states that if something exists, someone has made pornography out of it. A corollary to that theorem may also hold: If a brand has a mascot, people will sexualize it, no matter how deliberately grotesque it may be.
Mr. Mucus, the villainous spokesblob for the expectorant medication Mucinex, is one such vile mascot. You’re not meant to be horny for Mr. Mucus — he represents a rather disgusting symptom of respiratory illness. He advertises an over-the-counter medicine that promises to banish him. But try telling that to the people in his Instagram comments.
“Is there a Mrs. Mucus?” one admirer wants to know. Another says: “I want you.” Seeing that Mr. Mucus has made a New Year’s resolution to stretch every day, a third potential suitor says, “I can help you stretch Mr. Mucus,” adding a winking emoticon that hints at more adventurous desires.
While Mucinex itself has an established social media presence, Mr. Mucus has only recently struck out on his own, with profiles on Twitter and Instagram established in September and October 2022, respectively. The former is dormant for now, while the latter has picked up nearly 1,500 followers with a steady stream of off-putting memes and videos featuring the anthropomorphized slimeball.
Of those fans, a significant number are down bad for the nauseating creature. Private user @luftbaloon21, who offered to help him “stretch,” is a perennial commenter. Responding to a clip in which Mr. Mucus attempts to make a snow angel, they wrote: “I wish I could also swim in white stuff with you Mr Mucus… Yours, that is.” Not much ambiguity there. Elsewhere, @gourmetcamaro — whose account is devoted to muscle cars — proposed marriage.
Reached for comment about making a move on Mr. Mucus, @goumetcamaro said, “god he’s so hot.” Asked to clarify just what makes him so attractive, they said, “he’s green.”
Reckitt Benckiser, the U.K. company that makes Mucinex, has yet to respond to questions about whether customers have previously regarded Mr. Mucus as a sex symbol, or why they now revere him as such. Notably, the iteration of Mr. Mucus most featured on Instagram is not the computer-animated character originally voiced in commericals by comedian T.J. Miller and then, later, by comedian Jason Mantzoukas. Instead, the character is typically portrayed by someone in a bulbous costume with an unnerving stare and rictus smile who never speaks.
This look, apparently, makes him irresistible. On a Christmas post in which Mr. Mucus reviews a “Snotty List” as Santa, @i.mamonkey wrote, “more like the shawty list.” After watching him dance to ring in 2023, @hippyjavabean commented, “I’d let you stuff me a different way.” The same footage elicited a passionate response from @sunniii.bunniii, who fantasized about feeling his “slimy warmth.”
Reached for further comment, @sunniii.bunniii added, “The way I would let that big green monster explore each and every bone, crevice and hole in my body. I would suck the membrane off of that disgusting mucus. He’s so filthy, I want — no, I need him.”
While none of these would-be lovers have said as much, they may be expressing — consciously or not — the strange form of arousal that sometimes attends illness. Research has shown that falling sick can, paradoxically, kick-start your sex drive, with orgasms boosting the immune system and even relieving sinus congestion. What if the collective thirst for Mr. Mucus represents the urge to crank one out when we’re achy, feverish, and congested?
Whatever the explanation, it’s clear that the sentient pile of goop could rival Pete Davidson on the dating scene. Replying to one of @asiftheyarentreal’s occasional “i want you” pronouncements last month, Mr. Mucus was bold enough to publicly assure them, “I won’t tell anyone.” Keep an eye out for this couple in the tabloids.
